You may already know that epic fantasy author Robin Hobb is the same soul as contemporary fantasy author Megan Lindholm . But how did this state of affairs come about ? How was one human being split into two authors ?
Hobb herself explains , in the preface to her raw rule book The Inheritance — which is a collection of narration she ’s written under both pen names . For the first sentence , Robin Hobb and her alter ego Megan Lindholm are share a table of substance , so you may witness their very different styles and approaches in the same position . We ’ve got Hobb ’s foreword , where she explains the tarradiddle of how she came to use two different gens for two dissimilar types of writing . And we ’ve got excerpts from taradiddle by both “ authors . ”
Behind every story a writer writes , there is the tale of how the writer come up to the tale . In the introduction to each story in this collection , I go for to share a number of what went on in my mind and in my life story that move each story .
It is also true that behind every book , there is a story . This one is no exception .
I began my writing vocation when I was eighteen year old , as an aspiring child ’s generator . I was newly matrimonial and living in a small Greenwich Village call Chiniak on Kodiak Island . The population was small , the local business was a compounding gas station and restroom stock that kept fitful hours , and initially there was small for me to do other than keep my small house trailer tidy and take longsighted base on balls on the beach with my dog , Stupid . I had long know that I wanted to be a author , so I adopt a little portable galvanising typewriter from my sister - in - law , bought a ream of paper and some carbon newspaper publisher , large brown envelopes for my SAS ( self - addressed boss envelope for rejection shift ! ) , and a copy of Writer ’s market place . I was before long submit short works to various children ’s magazine such as Humpty Dumpty , Jack and Jill , and Highlights for Children , in addition to many tiny magazines with very humble circulations . In the beginning , rejection slips far outnumber sales , but with each contact with the editorial creation , I was learning .
By the clock time ten years had hap , I had realize that piece of writing for kid was hard work , much harder than simple words and linear plot of ground had seemed at first glance . Trial and mistake had learn me that there was a corollary to the famous “ Write what you sleep with ” advice . That was , “ spell what you love version . ” I had long been passionate about fantasy and scientific discipline fable , but equally daunted at the view of seek to equate my work with the tales from the writers I celebrate . But by my midtwenties , I was hazard out with submission to “ fanzines , ” the small - press homemade magazine of the genre . Some were little more than mimeographed or Xeroxed pamphlets while others had ventured into glossy pages and illustration . They were my proving land as a writer , and I will incessantly owe a debt to magazines such as Space and Time , and editors such as Gordon Linzner .
When I began writing SF and phantasy for adults , I ab initio write as M. Lindholm . I was very well-chosen with that sole initial in front of my surname . In 1978 , I submit a level to Jessica Amanda Salmonson that I hoped she would consider for her small - press magazine Fantasy and Terror . To my shocked delight , she spell back saying that she would care to use it for her extroverted feminist illusion anthology , to be entitled Amazons ! But she felt powerfully that women writers needed to declare themselves as female . She urged me to put a name rather than an initial in my byline . I drop a line back to her that I ’d never been fond of my given name , Margaret , and that the nicknames such as Maggie , Peggy , Marge , and so on had never really feel like my own , either . I added , almost as an afterthought , that Megan was not so defective .
Months afterward , when the leger descend out , I was a bit astounded to see that I had a new byline . Megan Lindholm it was . I confess to having mixed feelings about it , then and still . A year or two subsequently , when the first Ki and Vandien book , Harpy ’s Flight , sold to Ace Books , I understand that without my intending to I ’d made an important decision . Since the story in Harpy ’s Flight featured the same fibre as “ Bones for Duluth , ” the storey in Amazons ! , I would have to use the same byline . Without giving it much thought , I ’d become Megan Lindholm .
And Megan Lindholm I would rest for many years .
Leap forwards in time yet another decade and a bit more . It was a clock time of change in my life . I had recently switched to a new US publisher , my life history - shifting agent Patrick Delahunt had passed me on to a new agent , Ralph Vicinanza , and I was writing a story of a type I ’d never attempted before . This was to be a big fantasy , on an epic graduated table , and written from the first - person compass point of view of a new Isle of Man . I was write in a vogue that I feel was totally different from any I ’d ever used before . Perhaps it was a clock time to make a complete break with the past . The musical theme of changing my nom de guerre greatly appealed to me . Although I remained very fond and gallant of my study as Megan Lindholm , the dramatic event of adopt a “ privy personal identity ” was irresistible . I jumped at the chance to become Robin Hobb .
My editors , my agent , and I all agree that the modification presented an opportunity for me to break out of my “ Megan Lindholm ” voice and tell a heavy compelling floor in a very snappy way , one that I hoped would reach new reader . I had n’t gain that I had begun to find bound by what readers might expect of a Megan Lindholm book until I maltreat away from that name . I wrote with a depth of feeling that I did n’t commonly indulge . When Assassin ’s Apprentice by Robin Hobb was first published , I spend weeks with my brass in a air mile , wondering how this raw serial by a “ new author ” would be received .
The results were beyond my wildest hopes . I will never know how much the name change had to do with the success of Assassin ’s Apprentice and the other Hobb books that pursue it . I do n’t think there ’s a way to quantify that . But it feel perfectly wonderful to have reached a wider readership . And for several yr , I played my cards very close to my chest , hold in that Megan Lindholm and Robin Hobb were one and the same . I wait on conventions as Megan Lindholm , and while I was there , I did not speak about my work as Hobb . I did not do any readings or signings for the initial Farseer Word .
Beyond my agent and publishers , only two the great unwashed hump the secret . One was Steven Brust , my collaborator on The Gypsy . I recollect Steve enjoyed keeping the mystery , and he did it very well , for which I will always be grateful . The other person was Duane Wilkins of University Book Store , Seattle . I ’d known Duane for years at that compass point . He ’d been instrumental in helping my career as Megan Lindholm , corroborate me with signings and readings as he did many , many fledgling SF and fantasy writers in the Seattle orbit . One night I received a call from him . He mentioned he had n’t seen me in a while , and we mouth about various forthcoming books and what he opine of them . Then he bring up Assassin ’s Apprentice . It was very enjoyable to hear him say prissy thing about the Bible I could n’t openly acknowledge as mine . But then he go to say that he could assure it was n’t a first travail by any writer . And that he had acknowledge some stylistic resemblances . I kept my mouth shut . But then he asked me , like a shot , and there is no lying to onetime friend .
And Duane , too , hold reach the secret entire for me .
Of course , the data finally leaked out , in drip mould and fall , and eventually I did a Locus audience with Charles Brown in which I admitted that yes , Robin Hobb and Megan Lindholm were both my pseudonym .
But to this twenty-four hour period , they rest separate writers in my mind . They may use the same battered keyboard , the one with the letters don off the buttons . They apportion office supplies and an assistant , and even do very alike online update . But they are not the same writer , but rather two writers with different style , issues , and choices of tale . I think each author persist in to attract a unlike readership , though some lecturer tell me they enjoy stories by both writers . Even today , when I get a story thought , I immediately know if it belongs to Lindholm or Hobb , and the story is write consequently . Robin lean to hog the intelligence mainframe with her cock-a-hoop books , but Megan has go on to write and publish myopic works .
This is the first time that a selection of stories by both pseudonyms has appeared in one volume . The Lindholm tarradiddle are , if you will , the heritage that Hobb construct upon . The elan and the subject field matter differ from name to name , but if you check the DNA , you will find the share genetics and the common captivation .
There are old stories here , written when Megan Lindholm was first establishing herself , as well as new tales by both author . Robin still run to sprawl in her storytelling , so while she takes up as many pages , there are fewer story by her in these pages .
To those reader who are run into one ( or both ) of my bylines for the first time , welcome ! And thank you for taking a luck on a “ new ” author . And for those proofreader of Lindholm or Hobb who are taking the chance to acquire some of these stories in a more durable form , thank you , I hope you will not be disappoint .
I know the day my life story changed . I was about three blockage from home , partway into the Skoag sector , heed to some Skoags on a street corner . Not listen , really , so much as watching them puff up their greasy skins out until they looked like those stupid balloon animals Roxie the clown used to make for my Head Start year . Then when they were all puff up out , tissue layer ballooned over corally bone web , they ’d bulge out making music , the skin going in and out just like utterer conoid on really old Speaker . They reminded me of frog , because of how their throats puffed out to croaking , and because of the wet greenish - yellow flicker on their skins .
I maintain a safe distance from them . Everyone did . From the Do n’t Do Drugs sessions at school , I knew what the stuff and nonsense on their pelt could do to me . I ’d seen Skoag gropies , wandering around bald - eyed , hands reach to fumble any passing Skoag , to get one more rush even if it deafen them . Skoag gropies were always getting killed , crush by cars and trucks they could no longer hear , or stargaze themselves to death , forgetting to corrode or toast , forgetting everything but groping a fingerful of Skoag goo . But there were no gropies around these Skoags , and because they all still had top , I know they were raw to Earth . Skoags commonly lost their peak pretty fast in our graveness . One of these Skoags had the tall crest I ’d ever get wind , like a Martin Luther King ’s crown , and purple like a rich erstwhile contusion .
There was a mixed crowd around the Skoags . Inlander tourist who ’d never seen a Skoag before , choose videos , making tape . local anaesthetic panhandling the tourists , sometimes venture they were transcend the lid for the Skoags . Older boys and a few daughter , just hanging out , calling the Skoags dirty names to shock the tourist , make out with a lot of clapper . And a few kids like me , skipping school because the sun was gleam and it was n’t too blowy and we did n’t feel like doing the weekly pee - in - the - bottleful affair . The Skoags play for us all .
They ’d been play all sunrise , the usual Skoag set . They did “ Happy Trails to You , ” and “ Horiko Cries , ” and “ When You Were Mine , ” and then “ America the Beautiful . ” That was the weirdest thing about Skoags , how they ’d pick up any euphony they fancied , and then toy it back in any order . They ’d started “ Moon over Bourbon Street ” when I check my mommy come .
She and Teddy had gone to pick up her assist check that morning . But Teddy was n’t with her , and I knew from her boldness that another instrumentalist had moved out . I was glad in a selfish way , because for the next few years there ’d be even meal on the table , and more intellectual nourishment , because the check would only be feeding us two , and Mom would talk to me double as much as common . Of course , she ’d verify I really got up and went to school , too , but that was n’t much price to pay . And it would n’t last long before she ’d hold another party and reel in a new player .
So I was determined to savour it while it endure . So I ran up to her , saying , “ Wow , Mom , you should hear this purple - crested one play , he ’s really something . ” I said that for about four reasons . First , so she would n’t have the chance to postulate me why I was n’t in shoal , and , secondly , to show that I was n’t going to note that jerk Teddy was get going because he was n’t deserving her clip . Third , it cheered her up when I act like I was concerned in music . I think she always trust I really would be like my Father of the Church , would spring up up to be a singer and ransom her , or justify her life or something . And fourth , because the purpleness - crested one really was something , though I could n’t have pronounce why .
“ You playing tourist , Billy Boy ? ” my mom asked me in her teasing style that she used when it was only she and I together again . And I laughed , because it was mute the way the tourists from inland make out down to our part of Seattle to sight on the Skoags and listen to them jam . Anybody who ’d live on here ignored them the way you ignored supermarket euphony or a telecasting in a store window . All you ever hear from a Skoag was the same thing you ’d heard a hundred times before anyway . So what I said was sort of a joke , too , to make her laugh and take the flatness out of her eye .
But Teddy must have been better than I ’d known , because her smile languish , and she did n’t chide me or anything . She just crouch down and squeeze me like I was all she had in the world . And then she said , very softly , as if I were the adult and she were the slight nestling explain something sorry she ’d done , “ I give way him our check , Billy Boy . See , Teddy has a opportunity to go to Portland and audition for Sound & Fury Records . It ’s a new recording label , and if thing go like I get laid they will , he ’ll be into the big money in no time . And he ’ll institutionalise for us . We ’ll have a real firm , Billy , all to ourselves , or mayhap we ’ll get a motor home and travel across the country with him on tour , see the whole United States . ”
She said more stuff but I did n’t listen . I knew what it think of , because once one of her guys had stolen both checks , her Career Mother Wage and my Child Nutrition Supplement . What it meant was bad times . It meant a month of food - bank solid food , runny goober pea butter on teetotal bread , dry milk made up with more water than you were supposed to use , generic food grain that turned into sog in the Milk River , and macaroni . Lots and lots of zap macaroni , to the point where I used to swallow it whole because I could n’t stand the squidgy tactile sensation of manducate it anymore . I was already thirsty from being out in the wind all forenoon , and just cerebrate about it made me hungry . There was n’t much food at family ; there never was proper before the aid check was due .
I just went on hold on to Mom , hating Teddy , but not much , because if it had n’t been Teddy , it would have been someone else . I wanted to ask , “ What about me ? What about us ? Are n’t we just as important as Teddy ? ” But I did n’t . Because it would n’t contribute the money back , so there was no sense in take a leak her vociferation . The other reason was , about three weeks before , Janice from up the stairs had sat at our kitchen table and cry to Mom because she ’d just render her little girls aside . Because she could n’t take concern of them or fertilise them . Janice had kept saying that at least they ’d get decent meals and warm dress now . I did n’t need Mom to cogitate that I wanted food and clothes more than I want to stay with her .
So I wiped my cheek on her shirt without seeming to and pulled back to count at her . “ It ’s okay , Mom , ” I tell her . “ We ’ll get by . Let ’s go home and calculate thing out . ”
But she was n’t even listening to me . She was pore on the Skoags , in reality on the one with the full-grown tip , hear to over Bourbon Street ” like she ’d never hear it before . It vocalize the same as always to me , and I tugged at her hand . But it was just like I was n’t there , like she had gone off somewhere . So I just stood there and waitress .
My mom listen until they were done . The large purpleness - crested Skoag watched her take heed to them . His openhanded flat eye spots were pointed toward her all the time , serene and dead and unfocused like all Skoag oculus are . He was looking over the mind of the tourist and hecklers , straight at her .
When the strain was polish off , they did n’t go right into another song like usual . Purple stood there , determine my mother and letting the air outflow out of his blowfish . The other Skoags looked at him , and they seemed puzzled , shift around , and one made a flavorless squawk . But then they permit their aura out , too , and pretty presently they were all empty and bony , their puffer things tight against their bodies again . My mummy kept staring at the Skoag , like she was still try music , until I shook her branch .
“ I ’m come , ” she say , but she did n’t . She did n’t even move , until I shook her arm again and said , “ I ’m hungry . ”
Then she jerk and looked down at me finally . “ Oh , my poor little kid , ” she said . She really mean it . That bothered me . I think about it while we walk home . I was n’t any more selfish than any Thomas Kid is , and kids have a rightfield to be selfish sometimes . So I walk along , thinking that she really did make out how awful this month was going to be and how much I hate squidgy macaroni , and she probably even hump that the sole was come off my canary . But she ’d still founder the check to Teddy . And that was a hard thing for a kid to understand .
So we went home . mama flip on the stereoscopic photograph and choke right to work . She was veridical methodical and practical when there was n’t a musician to distract her . She sorted out what groceries we had and organized them in the cupboard .
Then she went through all the pouch of her clothes and toil inside the hot seat and got together all the money we had . It was ten seventy - eight . Then she sit me at the table with her , like I was one of her player , and told me how she was going to get us through the month . She explain that if I went to school every day , I ’d get the free morning Milk River and vita - roll , and detached blistering tiffin on my aid tag . So I ’d be mostly o.k. , even if there was n’t much for dinner party . We ’d get through just fine . After all , we were fairly tough , were n’t we ? And could n’t the two of us beat anything if we just stuck together ? And were we going to let a calendar month of crummy groceries knock down tough guys like us ? All that stuff . But suddenly , in the middle of the pep talk , she sire up and knelt by her stereo . She swirl the knobs , frowning . “ Signal ’s drifting , or something . Damn , that ’s all I need . For this to drop dead on me now . ” She try about three dissimilar stations , then snap it off . “ Lousy speakers , ” she complain to me . “ Everything sounds tinny . ”
It had sounded okay to me , but I did n’t say anything . alternatively , I sit still and watched her take out a pot and run piss and take thing from the cupboards for dinner party .
We had oatmeal for dinner , and toast with peanut butter melt on it . mamma gave me the last of the brownish sugar for my rolled oats . “ Good grains and protein in this repast , ” she said wisely , as if she had planned it rather than kowtow together what we had left . I nodded and ate it . It was n’t so regretful . At least it was n’t macaroni .
That eventide Mom sat at the table , read a paperback that Teddy had left and outwear his previous sweatshirt . I guess she felt somewhat regretful . Every so often , she ’d turn on the stereoscopic photograph and tomfool with it for a while , then shake her head and snap it off . She ’d read a little longer , and then she ’d get up and become the stereo system on again , seek through the stations , but never finding what she wanted . In between , I was heed to the building sounds , spooky at night . The pee fastball in the utility room was arise and burble through the rampart . I was tinge a Do n’t Do drug handout from schoolhouse , wishing they ’d give me more than three wax crayon . I require to discolor the spoon and syringe silver . Yellow just was n’t the same .
Mom had just snap the radiocommunication off for about the 12th time . In the smooth I heard a sound like someone dragging a purse of potatoes down our step . Mom and I look at each other . She lifted her finger to her rim and said , “ Shush ! ” So I sat absolutely still , wait . There came a slapping auditory sensation against the room access , and whatever was slapping pushed against it too . The door thud against the taking into custody .
My mom ’s dark eyes went huge , scaring me more than the noises outside the door . She went to the kitchen and got our biggest tongue . “ Go to my room , Billy Boy , ” she whispered . But I was too frightened to move . Like a monster movie , when the music screams and you make out they ’re going to show you something frightful , but you ca n’t look away . I had to screw what was outside . And mama was too scared to make me obey . rather she crept a minuscule close to the room access , holding the knife nasty . “ Who ’s out there ? ” she yelled , but her voice crack .
The pressure on the door stop , and for a mo all was silent . Then there was a sound , sort of like a mouth harp wedged in a horn , and someone blowing through it anyway . It was a pathetic animated cartoon strait , Doofus Duck thwack with a caoutchouc mallet , and my mom look so startled that I burst out laughing . It was a dorko noise . Nothing scary could make a speech sound like that . Then a voice spoke , a low , low voice , like violoncello strings being chafe slow .
“ That is my name on my world . But humans call me Lavender . ”
“ The Skoag ? ” Mom asked , but I was already past her and undoing the flimsy idle bolt on the threshold . I had to see it . It was so unimaginable for a Skoag to be outside our doorway at night that I had to see it was real . “ Billy ! ” Mom warn , but I hale the room access exposed anyway .
The Skoag was there . The same purpleness - crested one we had heed to earlier . Only he looked a lot smaller with all his bladder deflate , not much bigger than my mom . He was weary a sort of pouch matter on his front , and in it was a dark-brown grocery sack , a fragrance of flowers wrapped in green tissue paper , and a skinny browned John Barleycorn store bag . He was drape in the vapourous charge plate gown Skoags were supposed to fatigue in human habitation . His tegument glistened through it in the weak streetlamp light source like oil on a puddle , iridescent and shift . His fat trivial flippers brandish up and down tardily , like a fish underwater . His mirky grim eye spots set on my female parent .
She stared back at him . She still had the knife in her hand , but she had forgotten it . She crossed her arm , a culmination , denying gesture . “ What do you want ? ” she demand , in the scared refractory part she kept for the landlord .
A little bladder above his optic pulsed with his cello voice . “ To come in . ”
“ Well , you ca n’t , ” she tell , at the same time as I asked , “ How did you get down the step ? ”
“ With great trouble , ” he pulsed at me , but there was a violin squibble above the violoncello that made his answer a kind of put-on . I grinned at him ; I could n’t assist it . He ’d notice me . He ’d answer my dubiousness before he paid attention to what my mom had say , and he ’d answer it in the way one sidekick might kid with another . I felt two feet taller .
He looked back at Mom , waiting .
“ Go away , ” she told him .
“ I can not , ” he said , all cello again . “ in the beginning today , I listen you listening to us . I remember . My companions tell me it was not so , that I am tricking myself because I want too badly . But I am not deceived . I have hope only . I have brought gifts . Flowers and wine for you , as is meet , and nutrient for your small fry , who said he was thirsty . May I come in ? ”
She just stood there , staring at him . A railroad car shushed by in the showery street outside , and the twist gusted , blowing cold gentle wind down our step and in past the Skoag . And still they both just stood there , waiting for something .
“ I love you , ” the cello thrummed , and the sound well up , like a giving affectionate wave washing through our apartment . The phone did n’t cease with the words , it went on with musiclike fancywork on the edges of the thought . I listened to it pass and disappearance , and then the silence came behind it , separating us again . The silence seemed unbearable .
“ Come in , ” tell my mother .
So Lavender come to live with us .
Day the 10th of the Fish Moon
class the 14th of the Reign of the Most Noble and Magnificent Satrap Esclepius
shape aboard the ship are intolerable . Once more , I take penitentiary to my journal to record the rigorousness and injustice to keep up a record so that those responsible may be penalise . Although I am nobly behave , of the House of Waljin and although my lord husband is not only baronial , but heir to the title of Lord Carrock , the quarters yield us are no good than those allot to the coarse emigrants and speculator ; that is , a smelly space in the ship ’s grip . Only the common criminals , chained in the thick holds , stand more than we do .
The story is a slivery wooden deck of cards , the wall are the bare board of the ship ’s hull . There is much grounds that rats were the last inhabitants of this compartment . We are treated no better than kine . There are no freestanding tail for my maidservant , so I must suffer her to layer almost alongside us ! To preserve my children from the common brat of the emigrants , I have sacrifice three damask hangings to curtain off a outer space . Those the great unwashed accord me no deference . I think that they are sneakily plundering our stores of solid food . When they mock me , my husband bids me ignore them . This has had a abominable effect on my servant ’s behavior . This morn , my maid , who also serve as a nursemaid in our reduced household , spoke almost harshly to young Petrus , bidding him be restrained and finish his doubt . When I chew up her for it , she dared to call down her brows at me .
My sojourn to the clear deck was a waste of meter . It is cluttered with ropes , canvas , and crude men , with no victuals for ladies and children to take the air . The ocean was tedious , the sight only distant foggy island . I find oneself nothing there to cheer me as this detestable watercraft bears me ever farther out from the lofty white steeple of Blessed Jamaillia City , hallowed to Sa .
I have no friends aboard the ship to amuse or comfort me in my heaviness . Lady Duparge has called on me once , and I was polite , but the deviation in our station make conversation difficult . Lord Duparge is heir to little more than his title of respect , two ships , and one estate that delimitation on Gerfen Swamp . Ladies Crifton and Anxory appear mental object with each other ’s caller and have not call upon me at all . They are both too new to have any skill to share , yet their mothers should have instructed them in their social duty to their better . Both might have profit from my friendship upon our return to Jamaillia City . That they take not to court my favour does not talk well of their intellect . Doubtless they would bore me .
I am low-down in these yucky surroundings . Why my husband has chosen to invest his time and finances in this venture eludes me . sure enough gentleman of a more adventuresome nature would intimately dish up our Illustrious Satrap in this exploration . Nor can I understand why our children and myself must come with him , especially in my stipulation . I do not think my hubby give any thought to the difficulties this voyage would pose for a woman gravid with kid . As ever , he has not visualise fit to hash out his decisions with me , no more than I would confer with him on my artistic pursuits . Yet my ambition must support to allow him to pursue his ! My absence seizure will considerably detain the mop up of my Suspended Chimes of Stone and Metal . The Satrap ’s brother will be most disappointed , for the facility was to have honor his 30th birthday .
Day the 15th of the Fish Moon
I have been gooselike . No . I have been deceived . It is not foolishness to trust where one has every right wing to require trustiness . When my Church Father entrusted my hand and my portion to Lord Jathan Carrock , he believed he was a man of wealth , substance , and reputation . My father blessed Sa ’s name that my artistic accomplishments had attracted a suer of such lofty stature . When I bewailed the fate that we d me to a man so much my fourth-year , my mother counseled me to assume it and to pursue my artistic production and establish my repute in the shelter of his influence . I honored their wisdom . For these last ten geezerhood , as my young and sweetheart faded in his shadow , I have borne him three children and bear beneath my heart the burgeoning germ of yet another . I have been an ornament and a blessing to him , and yet he has delude me . When I think of the hour spent in finagle his family , hour I could have devote to my art , my blood seethe with bitterness .
Today , I first entreated , and then , in the throes of my duty to ply for my child , ask that he storm the captain to give us better fourth . Sending our three children out onto the deck with their nanny , he confessed that we were not uncoerced investor in the Satrap ’s colonization plan but deportee given a chance to flee our disgrace . All we left behind - estates , homes , cute willpower , horse , cattle - all are confiscate to the Satrap , as are the point seize from us as we ship . My civilised respectable husband is a betrayer to our docile and beloved Satrap and a machinator against the pot Blessed by Sa .
I won this admittance from him , chip by bit . He prevent saying I should not bother about the politics , that it was solely his business organisation . He say a wife should trust her hubby to finagle her life . He said that by the time the ships resupply our settlement next spring , he would have redeemed our fortune and we would return to Jamaillian guild . But I kept pressing my sappy woman ’s question . All your holdings grab ? I postulate him . All ? and he said it was done to save the Carrock name , so that his parent and younger chum can live with self-respect , untarnished by the malicious gossip . A modest estate remain for his brother to inherit . The Satrap ’s Court will conceive that Jathan Carrock chose to enthrone his intact fortune in the Satrap ’s speculation . Only those in the Satrap ’s innermost circle know it was a confiscation . To win this concession , Jathan beg many hours on his stifle , mortify himself and pleading pardon .
He went on at smashing duration about that , as if I should be impressed . But I cared nothing for his knees . “ What of Thistlebend ? ” I asked . “ What of the bungalow by the ford there , and the monies from it ? ” This I play to him as my marriage portion , and humble though it is , I conceive to see it pass on to Narissa when she we d.
“ Gone , ” he said , “ All plump . ”
“ But why ? ” I demanded . “ I have not plot against the Satrap . Why am I punished ? ”
Angrily , he said I was his wife and of course I would apportion his lot . I did not see why , he could not excuse it , and finally he told me that such a foolish womanhood could never understand and offer me hold my clapper , not flap it and show my ignorance . When I protested that I am not a fool , but a well - known artist , he told me that I am now a colonist ’s wife and to put my artistic pretenses out of my brain .
I bite my knife to keep from shrieking at him . But within me , my heart screams in Eumenides against this injustice . Thistlebend , where my little sisters and I pack in the weewee and plunk lily to guess we were goddess and those our white and gold scepters . . . Gone for Jathan Carrock ’s perfidious idiocy .
I had hear rumors of a discovered conspiracy against the Satrap . I paid no tending . I thought it had nothing to do with me . I would say that the penalisation was just , if I and my innocent babe were not ensnared in the same internet that has trapped the plotters . All the confiscated wealth has financed this pleasure trip . The shamed Lord were force to join a company composed of speculators and explorers . unsound , the banished criminals in the postponement , the thief and whores and bully , will be released to join our company when we disembark . Such will be the society around my tender children .
Our Blessed Satrap has liberally granted us a fortune to ransom ourselves . Our Magnificent and Most Merciful Satrap has granted each man of the company two hundred leffers of land , to be claimed anywhere along the banks of the Rain Wild River that is our boundary with fell Chalced , or along the Cursed Shores . He direct us to establish our first settlement on the Rain Wild River . He prefer this site for us because of the ancient legends of the Elder Kings and their Harlot Queens . Long ago , it is read , their wondrous city line the river . They dust their hide with gold and fag jewels above their eyes . So the narration say . Jathan say that an ancient scroll , showing their settlements , has recently been translated . I am unbelieving .
In return for this chance to carve out new luck for ourselves and redeem our reputations , Our splendid Satrap Esclepius asks only that we cede to him half of all that we find or produce there . In income tax return , the Satrap will shelter us under his protective bridge player , prayers will be offered for our well - being , and twice each year his tax income ship will visit our small town to be sure we prosper . A charter for our troupe , signed by the Satrap ’s own bridge player , promises this .
Lords Anxory , Crifton , and Duparge percentage in our shame , though as less Lord , they had less far to fall . There are other nobles aboard the other two ship of our fleet , but no one I know well . I exuberate that my pricey friends do not share my circumstances , yet I mourn that I get in expat alone . I will not enumerate upon my married man for comfort in the tragedy he has bring upon us . Few secret are kept long at court . Is that why none of my friends come to the docks to bid me farewell ?
My own mother and sister had fiddling time to commit to my packing and farewell . They cry as they entreat me farewell from my founding father ’s abode , not even accompanying me to the foul docks where this ship of banishment awaited me . Why , oh Sa , did they not tell me the accuracy of my fate ?
At that thought , a hysteria fell upon me , so that I could not continue my writing . I trembled and wept , with occasional shrieks bust from me whether I would or no . Even now , my script tremble so violently that this despairing cacography wander the Sir Frederick Handley Page . All is lost to me , household , loving parents , and most crushing , the graphics that pay me pleasure in living . The half - finished workplace I left behind will never be complete , and that pains me as much as a tiddler stillborn . I live only for the daylight that I can refund to gracious Jamaillia by the sea . At this import , forgive me Sa , I long to do so as a widow . Never will I forgive Jathan Carrock . Bile rise up in my throat at the intellection that my small fry must wear this traitor ’s name .
Day the 24th of the Fish moonshine
Darkness fill my person ; this ocean trip to exile has lasted an timeless existence . The man I must call husband orders me to better manage our menage , but I scarcely have the spirit to take up my playpen . The youngster weep , quarrel , and complain endlessly , and my maid makes no effort to amuse them . Daily her contempt grows . I would slap her awless scowl from her human face if I had the enduringness . Despite my pregnancy , she lets the tyke tugboat at me
and demand my tending . All make out a woman in my circumstance should experience a calm existence . Yesterday afternoon , when I taste to rest , she left the children napping beside me while she give way out to dally with a vulgar crewman . I awoke to Narissa crying and had to arise and let the cat out of the bag to her until she calmed . She quetch of a painful belly and a tender throat . No rather was she root than both Petrus and Carlmin awoke and start some boyish tussling that wholly fret my flavour . I was exhausted and at the edge of delirium before she returned . When I chided her for neglecting her duties , she freshly replied that her own female parent reared nine fry with no servants to aid her . As if such unwashed drudgery were something I should shoot for to ! Were there anyone else to fulfill her duties , I would send her boxing .
And where is Lord Carrock through all of this ? Why , out on deck , consulting with the very nobleman who led him into disgrace .
The food for thought grows ever worse and the pee taste foul , but our fearful captain will not put into shore to seek better . My maiden aver that her sailor has told her that the Cursed Shore is well named , and that evil befalls those who land there as surely as it befell those who once lived there . Can even Captain Triops trust such superstitious gimcrack ?
Day the 27th of the Fish Moon
We are battered by storm . The ship reeks of the vomit of the measly inhabitants of its bowels . The invariant lurching stirs the loathsome piddle of the bilge , so that we must breathe their malodour . The maitre d' will not countenance us out on the pack of cards at all . The air down here is moist and thick , and the beams dribble body of water on us . Surely , I have die and entered some heathen afterlife of penalization .
Yet in all this wet , there is scarce enough water system for drinking , and none for washing . Clothing and bedding soiled with sickness must be rinse out in brine that leaves it stiff and stained with salinity . Little Narissa has been most hapless of the children . She has ceased vomiting but has just arouse from her pallet today , poor little creature . Please , Sa , permit this horrid rock and sloshing end soon .
daylight the 29th of the Fish lunation
My tyke is idle . Narissa , my only daughter , is gone . Sa , have clemency upon me , and visit your Justice Department upon treacherous Lord Jathan Carrock , for his iniquity has been the crusade of all my woe ! They wrapped my little girl in canvas and sent her and two others into the water supply , and the sailors scarce paused in their confinement to notice their passing . I think I belong a little mad then . Lord Carrock seized me in his arms when I taste to follow her into the ocean . I fought him , but he was too solid for me . I stay trapped in this life his perfidy has condemned me to endure .
Day the 7th of the Plough Moon
My child is still dead . Ah , such a foolish persuasion to write , and yet still it seems impossible to me . Narissa , Narissa , you could not be gone forever . Surely this is some grotesque dream from which I will awake !
Today , because I sit weeping , my husband force this account book at me and aver “ compose a poem to comfort yourself . Hide in your graphics until you feel better . Do anything , but stop cry ! ” As if he propose a yell baby a sugar teat . As if fine art took you away from life rather than immerse you precipitately into it ! Jathan reproached me for my heartbreak , saying that my rash mourning scare our Logos and threatens the babe in my uterus . As if he truly wish ! Had he cared for us as a married man and a father , never would he have betrayed our dear Satrap and condemned us to this fate .
But , to stop his scowl , I will sit here and write for a metre , like a expert married woman .
A full dozen of the passengers and two crewman have croak of the state of flux . Of one hundred sixteen who begin this voyage , ninety - two now remain . The atmospheric condition has calmed but the warm sunshine on the deck only mocks my sadness . A daze string up over the sea , and to the west the remote mountains smoke .
Clarence Day the 22nd of the Plough Moon
It has happened as I venerate . I crouch on a great knee of root , my writing desk a bureau of my meager possessions . The tree at my back is as fully grown around as a column . Strands and tangle of roots , some as full-grown around as barrels , drop anchor it in the swampy background . I perch on one to save my skirts from the damp and tussocky globe . At least on the ship , in the middle of the river , we were blessed with sunlight from above . Here , the foliage dominate us , an endless fall .
Captain Triops has strand us here in the swamp . He claimed that his ship was taking on urine , and his only choice was to lighten up his load and flee this corrosive river . When we turn down to debark , there was violence as the work party forced us from the ship . After one of our human was cast off overboard and swept aside , our will to resist vanished . The stock that was to sustain us they kept . One of our homo madly seized the cage of messenger bird and fight for it . In the tussle , the cage broke , and all our birds rose in a flock to vanish . The bunch shed off the crate of shaft , seed , and planning that were supposed to aid us in establishing our settlement . They did it to lighten the ship , not to help us . Many descend in deep water , out of reach . The men have salvaged what they could of those that fell on the soft riverside . The muck has sucked the residue down . Now we are seventy - two souls in this forsaken place , of which forty are capable - corporal Man .
groovy trees pillar over us . The land trembles under our feet like a crust on a pudding , and where the men abut over it to gather our possession , weewee now seeps , filling their footprints .
The flow brush the ship and our faithless captain swiftly from our passel . Some say we must stay where we are , beside the river , and check for the other two ships . Surely , they say , they will help us . I think we must move deep into the woodland , seek firmer land and relief from the prick insect . But I am a cleaning woman , with no say in this .
The men hold council now , to decide leading of our party . Jathan Carrock put himself forward , as being of the noblest nascency , but he was shouted down by others , former prisoners , storekeeper , and speculator who said that his Padre ’s name had no note value here . They mocked him , for all seem to know the “ secret ” that we are disgrace in Jamaillia . I walked away from view them , feeling caustic .
My own situation is a desperate one . My inept housemaid did not leave the ship with us , but stayed on board , a Panama ’s whore . I bid her all she deserves ! And now Petrus and Carlmin cling to me , complaining that the piddle has soaked their shoes and their feet sting from the damp . When I shall have a import to myself again , I do not know . I curse the creative person in me , for as I look up at the slanting ray of sunlight slicing through the intervening layers of outgrowth and leaf , I see a wild and dangerous beauty to this home . Did I give in to it , I fear it could be as seductive as the raw glance of a rough military personnel .
I do not have it away where such thought come from . I merely need to go home .
Somewhere on the leaves above us , it is rain .
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