CSI : Cyber is not a unspoilt television show . It is hackneyed and paranoid . But total on . You already knew that . This is the kind of show that uses unironic Hackers - style web 1.0 pixelated artwork to represent the digital world . Here ’s something else you should know : It ’s kind of like a napkin . unambiguously full of shit , yes , but also likely to be remarkably popular among the elderly , and comfort for a certain set of citizenry .
It ’s not comfort for existent babies , though . The first episode is fundamentally a paean to originative way to snap lil guys using the internet .
The characters are a meshwork - exec - favorable amalgamation of moth-eaten trope more than anything recognizably human- the tough - talking ladyboss , the see the light spoiled boy , and the wisecracking generically handsome bloke . The narrative read like someone skim a Wired clause from 2011 and then filled in a unconstipated CSI ( or CSI : Miami or CSI : Gary Sinese ) script ad - libs style with techno - nighmare - crime .
We meet the squad , which include Oscar Winner ™ Patricia Arquette as aforementioned ladyboss Special Agent Avery Ryan with a personal vendetta against hack ( they stole her secrets “ at the get-go of the internet , ” her words not mine ) . She gives sick instructions to her team like , “ find oneself the computers . Get into them . ”
Then there ’s JamesAh Dawn Wahnt , Ur LahfVan Der Beek as gamer named … .Agent Elijah Mundo ( a very actual name that someone would all have ) and Shad Moss aka the Artist Formerly Known as Lil ’ Bow Wow as a former black chapeau hacker force Frank Abagnale - vogue to make good with the law of nature , and plainly also forced to wear very dreadful vest . We know he is a dope hacker because he uses the mightiness of belt to pretend a 20 - character password on the first try .
There ’s also “ the right livid hat hacker in public , ” a caricature of a neckbeard play by Charley Koontz . We know he is honest at Computers because he ’s like “ What ’s untimely with your source code ? ” at one period .
Peter MacNicol is also there , and he haaaaaaaaates cybercrime .
But what a spongy musical composition of a cheesecake . You know how Ice - T acts as an interview surrogate on SVU and says the really obvious stuff , spelling every plot point out so even the ladies in the back can hear ? Every graphic symbol here is Ice - T.
For a show apparently about technology , it ’s written for Luddites with AOL accounts . Actual transmission line of dialogue : “ There ’s a sorry cat out there who ’s line up the weakness in your source code and he position up his own online shopping meshing for babies . ”
They fundamentally throw around concepts like remote access Trojans skip whoever is watching will be satisfied with the fact that the terminal figure raise cybercrime but without , you do it , get sure the purportedly tech - driven plot of ground make signified or the technical school the great unwashed use looks real .
Just like McDonalds is really not good food and is bad for you and probably tough for the world for a broad variety of reason , CSI : Cyber is a formulaic , corporate - spit - shined , suave piece of crap that is withal immensely soothe and entertaining that ’d likely be a welcoming respite if you stumbled upon it in an airdrome . If you bump the give-and-take and paint - by - numbers mystery story of internet investigator dramas soothing , this is like the Platonic ideal of cheesy procedurals .
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CSI : Cyber
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