The 2nd episode of rightful Blood ’s third season was moderately heavy . pile and lots of game lines and new characters almost drown the special Nazi lamia reveal . Almost , but not quite . Spoilers ahead .
Whew , this episode had a long ton of dust in it . All of it was delightfully mad , but it was damn nigh insufferable to keep up with . Thankfully , no matter how crazy things get , Eric ’s hungry vampire libido found a way to cut through the bullshit and hit you right where it weigh most . In your crotch .
Pro : Some news : rightful origin was renew for a fourth season ! Thank good our life will all continue to have meaning .
Pro : Right where we leave behind off from last week , Bill is rip off the ears of loup-garou with his teeth ! Ah , Bill you maniac , you .
Con : obviously when a werewolf gets hurt , he plough back into a naked man , entirely innocent of body hair . One wonders if the “ Fuck You Crew ” is getting discount rate at the local Mississippi waxing shoppe ? Call me crazy , but I feel like the wolfman should have more pilus besides their well groomed beards . Who knows , perchance there ’s some sort of Nair Clause in the honest Blood contract .
Pro : Still the hairlessness makes for some sleek butchery . And oh THE CARNAGE . Sweet , sweet-smelling au naturel all-fired - stumped , manly waxed buns and chest massacre .
Con : Have we seen any True Boobs besides Yvetta ? Hmmm the naked lawful Blood ratio is getting more or less out of whack . Still naked flaming virile erotica slaughter is never a bad thing .
Pro : “ You ’re next , ” mutters bloody Vampire Bill . Aw , we get laid it when you pretend the bad - ass , William .
Pro : Bill makes a funny little antic !
Con : Bill ’s little antic side .
Pro : The King of Mississippi ’s delightful / creepy-crawly demeanor and ride tout ensemble .
Pro : When the King tear a werewolf in the straits it bring in a little yip noise . Oh , of course it does .
Pro : Bill has to ride on the King ’s buck with him . RIDE , white jigger of vampire human - dearest , RIDE !
Con : WHAT IS LAFAYETTE DOING ? Stop trying to save Tara right now . Does she not agnise the everyone ’s life suck in this townspeople sucks ? I ’m all for her being miserable , but lets do it in a means that does n’t make the hearing miserable as well . Tara ’s even swallowing pills , throw up , and hollo about not perish to the infirmary in the most awful direction ever . Nooohahahoohoo waah no gurlble glub . Just let it hap , on-key Blood .
Pro : Lafayette ’s nooky - you face to Tara ’s mom . Also points for this line , “ You ’ve failed this miss for the last time . Now get the piece of ass out of my elbow room ! ”
Pro : Jessica ’s incompatible excitement over the Nazi werewolves . Me too , Jessica .
confidence trick : Sookie asks Eric , “ You think I ’m that stupid ? ” Yes . Yes . 1,000 times yes . Has she not seen seasons one and two ? You have awful determination devising acquirement , Sookie .
Pro : Eric ’s slowly becoming much more “ considerate ” towards Sookie , but he ’s still address himself in a altogether dick - ish manner . Already he ’s slowly turn into some sort of magnetised sex monster that unhooks your bra while carrying your grocery store .
Pro : Pam position on lipstick like this :
professional : Pam is have what I ’m assuming is the vampire “ bird and bee ” talk with Jessica , or the “ now you ’re a woman ” talk . Either way , endearing . I ’d watch a Pam / Jessica tailspin - off .
Con : This squeamish moment is getting all outflank by Fangtasia ’s bathroom mural . What the underworld is go on in there ?
Pro : Eric cleavage .
Pro : “ Please do n’t do that , it makes me feel disturbingly human . ”
Pro : Historical Vampire Flashbacks !
Pro : Godric and Eric are SS , oh of course they are . And of course dead on target Blood make the point to say that they ’re not REALLY in the SS , just the outfits . Nazi wolfman and vampires !
Pro : The King ’s security team of of male clubbers from 2001 .
Pro : Everything Talbot ! His hairsbreadth , robe , attitude , a snatch of dresser fuzz for once , and how he read “ FUUking wolfman . ”
Pro : Lafaytette ’s fascia .
Pro : As much as I dislike Tara , I like her zombi line of descent , “ the one prison term in my life I thought I was felicitous , I was a fucking zombie spirit . ” And it should be said that Lafayette ’s Buddhistic name - checking “ life is stick out ” rejoinder was stellar .
Pro : Hoyt
… Someone has been doing some exercise . Not that he needed it . Sure we all desire to have dark den sex for 6 hours with Eric , but Hoyt is marriage material .
Pro : Every metre Hoyt shows up he has gift . Because Hoyt does everything right . Take notes .
Pro : Jessica is KILLING me by push him away , he loves you so much ! What are you doing , you love him too ! But blah blah , story , we empathize etc . I ’m so much more emotionally involved with this twosome than any other on the show . They wreck me . take in Jessica forcefully “ shut the door ” on her relationship with Hoyt . then slink back into the “ press ” to lay in the “ bed she made ” next to a rotting corpse might be a tad over the top , both in much and metaphorically . But damn if these two do n’t make it work .
Con : Sookie asking Jason what he ’s doing run through HER wimp in the dark ? Wha ? But it ’s unspoilt that he ’s there , she ask the brotherly shoulder to cry on .
Pro : Jason ’s Santa descent . Plus his face when he asked . badly Ryan Kwanten just give himself to this character . It ’s so skillful to catch an player attack these line in a way that would most belike come across as cheesy come from anyone else . He does n’t feel the motive to do the sometime nictitation and nod to the camera , reminding everyone that he ’s actually quite clever . Just total loyalty . Also we ’ll give Sookie ’s “ Suuuuukie ” some acknowledgment . It was cute , just do n’t do it again . That ’s ours .
Pro : Sam ’s long - lost family is a carnival cavalcade of trashiness . Points for the crack - hued flop - swither mist they spray all over Sam ’s tighty whitied father . delight it while it last , methinks this “ look how garish Sam ’s family is ” will get real onetime tangible tight .
Pro : Terry and Sookie track a wolfman . Terry throw Sookie a accelerator pedal , which she then puts in the crotch of her XXS stiff - as - blaze Merlotte ’s shorts , you have a go at it because that ’s where you put guns while you ’re waiting tables . Yes clearly you are “ that blonde . ”
Pro : Even though genuine Blood is starting to get weighted down by this excess of new characters , when they are Ruby and Jesus the gorgeous nanny bath in holy Christ Within , I ’m ok with it . Jesus and Lafayette , it ’s happening .
Pro : Ruby anticipate her son a queen and then flourish hello to him .
Con : Andy hold a press league and there are more than 3 reporter there….hmmmm .
Con : Second picture with Sam ’s kinfolk and already we ’re buried in stereotypical things misfortunate bloodless masses do . Sitting in their underclothing next to Budweiser bottle , maybe drinking , smoke with the front doorway heart-to-heart . Also this aspect show in what I ’m assuming will be the next ridiculous beat to death plot of land : Everyone hate Tommy !
bunco game : Remember when women used to take off their tops in unfeigned Blood ?
Con : Tommy attempt to kill Sam with a falcon puppy switcheroo , because Everyone detest Tommy !
convict : Meanwhile back at Bill ’s pad someone breaks , but all we see are their kick , but the big discovery is that Bill is a bit of a pedo / perv …
Pro : Historical Vampire Flashbacks Part Deux .
Con : When Eric yield the Nazi werewolf some of his “ sacred ” stemma the lycanthrope girl make nom nom nom resound .
yard bird : As exciting as this whole “ Eric and Godric Road To Germany ” special is , I ’m not sure it justify two parts , or really explained anything at all . We know that the King controls the Fuck You Crew so vampires control werewolf , some of them . And we find out from the iphone app that they were Nazis so … Ah who am I kidding it ’s Eric and Godric in SS suits . Wacky .
Con : Eric goes to Sookie ’s home and country , “ You ’re going to invite me in so I can protect you , or have passionate primaeval sexual activity with you . ” The answer is sexual urge . For the dearest of Christ say “ primal sex please . ” Jesus move out of the agency , half-wit daughter . ERIC , WE PICK SEX . OVER HERE , THE sexual activity PLEASE .
Pro : The Dinner . As I stated before everything Talbot is rattling . The class at this fancy lamia dinner party were hilarious .
Dinner By Talbot
First class : “ cool carbonated blood . Cruelty free , all willingly donate . Note the citrus - y polish ? This one ate only tangerine for weeks . ”
2d course : “ Carlo bring me that thai male child . ” Sadly we never institute out what it was .
Third course : “ Warm stock bisque infused with rosaceous petals ” meal .
Dessert : Blood Gelato
inmate : While the meal was uproarious , the conversation was beyond dull . How do you make a conversation about vampire queen and kings boring ? But distinctly , Vampire government is a cat sleep . It only get interesting when Talbot interjected that the vampire Queen of Louisiana is “ as sick as a monkey on a trike [ ? ? ] and she has been for 100 . ” But was chastised by the King . I inquire how he ’s going to experience about the big businessman ’s union proposal of marriage , or if he even have it off , as the King hold off to mention is until Talbot was run . And that is as much as I care about the congress between Vampire Mississippi and Vampire Louisiana .
Pro : Terry tell Arlene why he ’s a great man for her , one of the reasons is he raised a baby armadillo name Felix , who sleeps under his bottom . I would also watch a show starring Terry and Felix .
Pro : The proprietor of the “ Bill ’s a pedo ” thrill strolls into Merlottes . Lookey here , it ’s Franklin Mott ! Sex . Awesome for us . But unfortunately for him , he has to talk to depressed Tara .
yardbird : Mott asks if Tara was a waitress , because no one but Lafayette is currently doing any work at Merlottes , and she corrects him , “ I ’m a bartender . ” Mott postulate , “ What are you doing here ? ” Tara replies , “ honestly trying to not kill myself . ” JESUS . I would have acquire up and leave immediately . Yeeeesh . Tara is just a incubus of a human being , painful all in fellow or not .
Pro : Mott is turn on by punching , oh of course he is .
Pro : Lorena , who is THE BEST , pop in and Bill immediately sets her on fire , oh my goodness . Delightful ! Someone please make a gif out of that immediately ! Lorena got faced !
Pro : Back on Sookie ’s porch , Eric smell out a wolf at the door . Slamming Sookie up against the paries he demands Sookie to let him in , to which she meekly reply , “ Mr. Northman will you please amount in . ” And all of a sudden no one in my house is bear any pants .
hustle : All the other crap that befall in this episode . Alan Ball , there was WAY too much stuff go on to way too many people tonight , between the Andy and Jason catch a meth junky plot line , to Tommy and Sam run around together to the theme of the Dukes of Hazards , it was too , too much .
Until next calendar week !
[ Historical Vampire Flashbacks Joke viaMr . Peter Smith ]
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